For the Ancestors Who Didn't Make It Out
Over the last eight weeks, I've been taking a class from John Beckett of Under the Ancient Oaks called Unpacking Your Religious Baggage So You Can Live a More Magical Life. This was my first course with Mr. Beckett but I hope it's not my last. The class was well organized. You can tell a lot of time and work went into the content. No filler! I don't have a ton of disposable income for classes, but the price was more than fair. If you have your own religious baggage to unpack, I can't recommend it highly enough. And if you don't have this particular problem (lucky!!), there are a bunch of other classes that might suit! Hopefully I'll see you in the class Facebook group. (End of unpaid and unsolicited advertisement.)
Even though technically I've been "unpacking my religious baggage" for umpteen years, I have never quite been about to get to the bottom of the suitcase. (To be fair, I have a lot of religious baggage. My suitcase is at least the size of a very fat bear.) I hoped this class might help me clear it out for good.
Doing this work was like healing from a really old injury. I thought the injury had mostly healed on its own. It's not like I've been consciously walking around miserable about my religious past. But once the injury really started healing, I was able to see how it had been quietly affecting me for years. It's like I had gotten used to walking with a limp, but now the limp is gone and I can move in ways I could've before.
I didn't realize how much my baggage was keeping me from trusting my own judgement. I couldn't see how much it was impacting my practice now.
Which brings me to one huge way this class changed my practice forever... in my relationship with my Ancestors.
When I first got interested in Paganism back in the late 90s, I don't remember Ancestors being a big part of the zeitgeist. Books might mention something about them in conjunction with Samhein and that was it. But when I came back... it seemed like Ancestor veneration was all over the place. Honestly, it always made me a little uncomfortable. I have enough trouble connecting with my living relatives. I wasn't sure I wanted to bring non-living ones into the mix.
Eventually I learned that Ancestors are a lot more than just the people you're genetically linked with, and that helped. I mean, I can get down with the idea of Ancestors of Spirit, Craft, Mind, etc. I'm a gay, and we gays are pretty big on chosen family. I've been making an effort to connect with those Ancestors for a while , especially since I joined ADF. But connecting with my Ancestors of blood? With very few exceptions... Yikers.
My blood family is chock full of Church of Christ members, on both sides, pretty far back from what I can tell. Just a couple months ago, I helped one of my kids with a "family tree" project for school, and was so disheartened (but not surprised) that all the obituaries I could find included the words "faithful member of the Church of Christ." Sigh. Since the Church of Christ literally tormented me as a child, I figured any ancestors who were "faithful members" of that religion would not only not want anything to do with me... they might be openly hostile!
Over the course of the class, I was introduced to some concepts that helped me come to a different understanding.
We don't owe our toxic ancestors anything. So the ancestors I have that really were diehard fundamentalists... I don't even need to worry about them.
Most people throughout history didn't really have a choice about their religion. (This is especially true for women.) I am profoundly lucky that not only did I have a choice... I had the means to escape.
I was able to provide myself with financial resources to get out of my toxic environment.
I had access to information.
I live in a time and place that tolerates religious differences at least to some extent.
Not that long ago, my ancestors had none of that.
- Contracts made under duress, contracts made as children, etc. They're not valid!! Would not hold up in a court of law. I would be willing to bet many of my ancestors made their contracts just like me... as kids who were literally terrified.
Taken together... I realized that just based on statistics, there have to be:
Ancestors of my blood who went to Church of Christ services three times a week, gritting their teeth.
Ancestors who stayed because they were stuck in family situations they couldn't get out of.
Ancestors who were simply too scared to risk the threat of Hell.
And! Probably there were ancestors further back who never really converted. Or died too young to leave.
You get the idea. The odds that all my ancestors are terrible is extremely unlikely.
When I realized that, I felt a wave of empathy and love for those ancestors who couldn't get out in their lifetime. Even the ones with Church of Christ in their obits... who can really say how they felt on the inside? My life would have been so sad if I hadn't been able to leave. How awful for them to feel so alone their whole lives, and then to also having no one alive remembering them! No one caring about what they went through!
Well, now they have me. I care.
It was a real epiphany. I decided at my hearth, from now on, those Ancestors will always have a home. I will not allow them to be forgotten any longer.
Towards the end of the class, John generously provided a Cord Cutting ritual, which I modified to be a little more ADF flavored. I called in my Ancestors like I've been doing for a while, but I added a special invitation to those particular Ancestors who wanted out of the Church of Christ but didn't make it. I let them know I hear them, see them, and love them. I told them, they will always have a place with me if they want it.
For the Omen, I used the Forest of Enchantment Tarot. Full disclosure... I was nervous about using this particular deck! It's not exactly the most warm and fuzzy. Taking the Omen always gives me a little anxiety anyway, and that anxiety was amplified because this rite felt really important to me.
I had only planned on drawing one card, but as I was shuffle, three cards jumped out of the deck, in this order.
I'm not like, the world's greatest intuitive Tarot reader, but the instant they hit the floor, I knew exactly what the cards meant for me.
In the Child of Challenges, I saw the younger version of myself. I was so unhappy and afraid. My heart went out to her. She didn't ask for the religion she was born into.
In the Child of Visions, I saw the part of me who survived all that. The part of me who held onto magic, in the face of crushing odds. Somehow, we made it.
And then in the Ten of Boons, I saw all those neglected ancestors from generations past, sitting around the table, like they'd just been waiting for me. So happy to be acknowledged. I felt a connection with them like I've never felt before. I'll never get over it.
The cord cutting itself was more than successful. That old baggage had been siphoning energy away from me for years, but I was able to pull it back and plug up the leak. It's a good thing, because I need all the energy I can get for the work I'm doing now - my Dedicant Path, Hearth Keeping, and starting a Protogrove with friends. It's all good work, but it is work, and it takes a lot to keep moving forward. Knowing those once forgotten Ancestors have taken their rightful place with the rest of my Kindred makes it that much more meaningful.
May I live my life if a way that honors them.